If She Could Forgive and Move On, So Can You!

This week let's talk about a subject that many find difficult to deal with daily. Forgiveness is for your own good. Even though you may feel that you are being hard on someone by not forgiving him or her, you are actually working against yourself. When you do not forgive, you bind yourself to that act of violation that was worked against you. By forgiving you release yourself from the act and you are free to move on. It does not mean that by forgiving you are condoning the wrong done against you. It simply means that you acknowledge that you were wronged but you are choosing to move on free from the hurt that was inflicted upon you.

A young lady once asked me to help her work through the issues that were affecting her. Sometimes all we need is a listening ear. She had tested positive for HIV at a time when she was about to remarry a fine young lad in her church. We arranged a meeting and after the pleasantries, she got into her story:

“I feel like I am carrying this load that I cannot let go of. There are three people I’m failing to forgive because I feel they contributed to my ending up in this place. They are my ex-husband, my dad and my mum.”

“In what way were they involved?” I enquired.

“My ex-husband used to cheat on me and I know he is the one who infected me with this virus because he is the only man I have been with,” she said, “and I only found out that he had two ex-wives out of the country after we got married. I got married to him in a rush. I was young and coming from a broken family. Life was hard. I thought getting married would be a way to get away from being a street kid since my mother had passed away. My father was nowhere to be found and there was no one from the family willing to take care of me. When my mother passed away, my siblings and I were not informed. We only found out about her death later. She suffered from HIV AIDS and none of us the children knew about this. What I remembered was the pain of seeing my father cheating on my mother. If my father hadn’t infected my mother with HIV maybe she could have lived longer to see us grow up and probably my life could have taken a different route.”

A momentary silence followed as I allowed her to recover from the emotions that were taking over as she told her story.

“When did you find out about your status?” I resumed.

“Last year: after I started pre-marital counselling. It is a church pre-requisite for couples to get tested before marriage. When I got the results I was sure they had made a mistake. I did not believe the results. I only went for a second test four months later since my fiancé and I were planning to get married. The results were the same. It was difficult to deal with, so I did nothing until when my brother (the last born in my family) was not well. He tested HIV positive from birth. It gave me a wakeup call to do something about myself. Now I am on treatment and it is really hard. The pills sometimes make me feel sick.”

“How did your fiancé take it?”

“I am grateful that he has taken it well. It was not easy as you can imagine. I expected him to walk away. It can’t be easy for anyone but he has been there for me and promised to stick by me regardless.”

“You are blessed to have such a caring fiancé.”

“Yes, I really appreciate him for all he has done for me.”

“I cannot say I know exactly how you feel about all you have gone through. I imagine though that it must be really hard given that you are living with what I might call a “scar” because you have to live with HIV. It is unlike someone who had a bad encounter that just happened as an event. You have to live with the consequences of these events and they are affecting you. Were any of these people born again?” I asked.

“Only my mum was born again, my dad and ex-husband were not.”

“I find a lot of times that we struggle with forgiveness because of our perspective of the situation. God uses man to achieve his purposes on earth. It is easy for us to acknowledge that someone was used by God to reach out to us in times of need. Unfortunately, the devil also uses people and we don’t quite find it equally easy to acknowledge that one is used of the devil. Remember that the word of God says that we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers and spiritual wickedness in high places.[1] Though people may be involved, the real enemy is the devil. He is the one who comes to kill, steal and destroy[2] and wherever you see some form of stealing, killing and destroying, the devil is at work.

“I see that your joy has been stolen from you, there is an attempt at stealing your health and your relationship with your father was stolen and destroyed. Do you think that is the work of man alone? When we do not realise that the devil is at work in such situations, we are no longer in a position to love one another as the Bible instructs us[3][4] but we develop hatred, anger and bitterness. These are not the fruits of the Spirit of God but of the flesh.[5]We ought to love people but we do not have to accept their actions. Obviously people who are used of the devil are involved in participation, but where they are not born again what do we expect? How can we expect the fruits of the Spirit of God where there is only the flesh? The nature of the unregenerate man is to sin.”

At this point she was nodding in agreement.“We accept people and forgive people,” I continued, “but it does not mean we have to like what they did. We love them in small doses, even from afar until we are ready to engage them again. In your case, two thirds of the people are no longer alive but you can still forgive and release them. This is for your own good, but you do not have to do it unless you are ready. You might want to think about what I have said for a while and then you can speak out words to release them when you are ready.”

“I am ready. I want to do it now.”

“Let us pray. Follow after me and say these words from your heart. Say ‘Father, I acknowledge today that I was hurt. The things that were done to me are painful but I choose not to regard the pain. I choose to forgive my ex-husband. I release him from my heart. I forgive my father and mother. I release them from my heart. You Lord are the healer. Heal the pain in my heart. I thank you that by your Spirit I can do all things. Thank you for your joy which is my strength. I thank you for my freedom. I receive it and declare that I am free indeed. I choose your Kingdom. It is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Amen”

As we prayed, tears rolled down her cheeks. Slowly she followed after my words giving thought to all of them. Then as we affirmed her freedom and joy she began to smile. After the prayer I asked her how she felt. “I feel so light, like a huge load has been lifted off me” she replied with a smile. Two weeks later I asked her if the feeling of freedom had endured beyond the moment and she replied, “I am enjoying my life much better now. Thank you very much. You cannot control what you go through in life but what you control is how you react to the situations. My inspiration continues to come from the word of God which tells me that He who has begun a good work in me will be faithful to complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. ” I am proud to serve the God who heals all kinds of wounds restoring people to a place of peace and joy.

You too can forgive.

It does not matter what they did to you. It is for your own good and you will definitely enjoy life better when you release those that offended you. Choose life and obey God. The prayer says, “Forgive us as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Such is God’s expectation from us that we should expect him to forgive us as we forgive others. Unforgiveness is unnecessary baggage that you bring into your own life and keep for as long as you like. You can choose to get rid of it today. I trust that you will make the right decision and find yourself some much needed freedom.

[1]Ephesians 6:12
[2]John 10:10
[3]John 13:34-35
[4]John 15:12, 17

[5]Galatians 5:19-23

 

Student Entrepreneurs' Opportunity to Shine

Munyaradzi Shadaya

It is my honor and pleasure to feature this week an inspiring gentleman (in every sense of the word) whom I have known for the past few years. Munyaradzi is one of those people that you talk to and you just can't help thinking, "This is a wise young lad!" He was awarded the Global Student Entrepreneur Award (GSEA) in 2009 and
was appointed to serve as GSEA Regional Ambassador for Africa. He still serves in this capacity.

Munyaradzi has co-authored a book entitled "Turning Risk Into Reward" where he writes about his business venture that landed him the award and opened avenues that most entrepreneurs only dream of. He is the founder and chairman of Impetus Global Limited, a consultancy company.

I have often been of the opinion that we have brilliant young people in Zimbabwe who just do not have access to information and the objective of this interview is to amplify information with the hope that another brilliant young student entrepreneur somewhere will stumble on this interview and make the most of it!


What is GSEA?

GSEA IS A PROGRAM THAT HONORS COLLEGE AND UNIVERSITY STUDENTS WHO OWN AND RUN A FOR-PROFIT BUSINESS, AT THE SAME TIME AS JUGGLING THE PRESSURE OF THEIR STUDIES. EACH YEAR, GSEA HOLDS NATIONAL COMPETIONS, AND NATIONAL CHAMPIONS WILL CONVERGE AT THE THEMATIC GSEA GLOBAL FINALS TO STAND A CHANCE TO WIN OVER $150000 IN PRIZES. THE PROGRAM IS RUN GLOBALLY BY THE ENTREPRENEURS ORGANISATION (WWW.EONETWORK.ORG). 

How did you get to know about GSEA?

It was a miracle. I read a newspaper article in a Saturday Herald Article on a partnership that had been struck between Zimbabwean and South African youth entrepreneurship organizations. Being a young student entrepreneur, I was thrilled to locate them and get involved with their programs. In searching for them over the internet, I failed to get any online data on their activities, nor their location. Instead, I only managed to get directed to www.gsea.org. That’s when my journey with the Global Student Entrepreneur Awards (GSEA) begun.

What did the participation add to you?

Life changing! My involvement with the GSEA was first thrilling! I got to present my business before CEOs and Entrepreneurs running successful multimillion dollar companies from all over the world…and I did all this when I was still a university student. I got tremendous exposure, a total mind shift and a good idea of how business runs globally. I have been harvesting good business rewards from networks I created during all my visits to the US on related missions. GSEA has also allowed me to serve my good country and continent, through planting and growing the GSEA vision in Africa in my role as Regional Ambassador.

Through my involvement, I have come to realize more the gifts that God has given me in my youth, and even more, how relevant such gifts are in bringing Him glory as I serve the nations.

What do you do now?

I am still an entrepreneur with interests in pharmaceutical distribution, marketing and business consultancy and business development especially in the mining sector.

To what would you attribute your success towards?

God my heavenly Father. I have had an incredibly busy youth….I mean my career started at 18 and has never been idle since then. I have had dreams, and some have come true. I have fallen and risen several times. I have prevailed where I should have failed. I have had honor given me when I thought of myself as too young and insignificant, yet was given me anyway. I surely have no credit in all this but boast only of the One who gives all good and perfect gifts. God, my Heavenly Father has granted me all such Grace, through other people, miraculous interventions, wisdom, and knowledge among many other ways.

Is there a single thing that you wish all young and aspiring business people knew that would make their success even more likely?

Risk! I realize that our dreams, hopes and aspirations demand of us to become alive to the existence of uncertainties. We need to be bold, take a leap of faith (confronting risk).  The one who exercises more faith in taking on risk, stands a better chance in magnitude of success than the one who only seeks comfort in what is scientific and carrying less risk.

How can other student entrepreneurs also participate in GSEA?

All they have to do is visit our website at: www.gsea.org and proceed to “nominate” themselves for the award. Once they give us their details, we will automatically send them an application form which will be key in considering the respective student(s) for their respective national competitions. Further information and reviews will be communicated as the process proceeds.

 

 

A Warm Embrace for The Adolescents Living With HIV



Nicola Willis



This week I had the pleasure of interviewing Nicola Willis, founder of AFRICAID. This organisation has a special place in my heart because they offered me my very first speaking gig. I will always cherish that opportunity, motivating a bunch of energetic adolescent boys. Nicola and her team have done an outstanding job in Zimbabwe. Discover who they are and what they do in this highly inspiring interview.

Download the PDF for this interview HERE.

When was Africaid founded?

Africaid was founded in 2004. It was then registered as a local Private Voluntary Organisation (09/2007) in 2007.

What led to your decision to start the organization?

Africaid was founded at a time when antiretroviral drugs were beginning to be available for children with HIV. So there was increasing focus on rolling out ARV programmes for children but there was very little focus on their psychosocial needs. How were they coping with their HIV status? Did they have information about their condition, what is involved in their care, what can they expect for their future? Do they have the skills and confidence to cope with their status and to live happy, healthy, fulfilled lives? We knew ARV drugs were just one part of the care they urgently needed.

I was working as a paediatric HIV nurse at Newlands Clinic at the time, helping them to establish the paediatric treatment programme there. So when one of the adolescent patients there, Simbisai, asked if me if I could help her set up a support group where children and adolescents with HIV could come together, I was thrilled to assist.

So a small group of enthusiastic volunteers (nurses, Doctors, counselors) came together to start the first support groups in 2004. The first was named “Zvandiri”, a name chosen by one of the founder members, Amanda. She wanted to say, I may be HIV positive, but “accept me as I am”. She also designed the logo which is a rock with a door in to the rock and the sun shining behind. The rock symbolizes their hearts which had hardened after all their experiences, but the door represents the support they were now getting, with the light ahead in their lives. This remains the name and logo for the programme today, 8 years on.

This one support group became two and then in response to the huge demand of children who learned about the support groups, grew in to a network of community support groups across Harare and Chitungwiza. Led from the beginning by the most wonderful, dedicated team of skilled volunteers, the support groups have met on the first Saturday of the month, every month, for the past 8 years.

Over the years, the Zvandiri model has grown into a network of community-based treatment, care, prevention and support services for HIV positive children and adolescents. These services are integrated within the clinical care provided by government and private clinics. This integration creates a robust continuum of care for children and young people with HIV and their families and aims to promote both their health and psychosocial outcomes.

Who plays the leading role in this important work?

Zvandiri is led by HIV positive adolescents whom are trained and mentored as service providers. Through community support groups, community outreach and clinic-based Zvandiri Centres, HIV positive adolescents identify children for HIV testing, link children living with HIV to treatment and care, provide sustained counselling for children, adolescents and their families, provide adherence monitoring and support in clinics and homes, trace treatment defaulters and provide life skills training for their peers which promotes resilience and confidence. Zvandiri’s SRH programme ensures young people living with HIV have the knowledge, skills and confidence to make informed prevention decisions and are linked to care including STI, family planning services, PMTCT and Zvandiri’s young parents support groups. HIV positive adolescents also provide training and counselling for caregivers and training of health workers, teachers, social welfare officers, church leaders and community members.

What is the vision?

Our vision is that HIV positive children, adolescents and young people have the knowledge, skills and confidence to cope with their HIV status and to live happy, healthy, fulfilled lives. Our dream is that the Zvandiri model and its peer-led approach is integrated within health services across the country.

How many young people do we have in the programme?

There are currently 1364 children, adolescents and young people 5-24 years in the programme in Harare. But we are also scaling up the Zvandiri model under the Government of Zimbabwe’s National Action Plan for OVC. Through partnerships with City Health Departments and other Community based organisations, an additional 11,000 have been engaged in adolescent-led training and advocacy activities. A team of 60 trained and mentored HIV positive adolescents are providing daily counselling for their peers on ART.

Download the PDF HERE

Do you feel that you are making a significant contribution to their lives?

 I certainly hope so and there is plenty of evidence to suggest that we are achieving our vision for many children and young people, not just in Harare but also in other provinces. When children join the Zvandiri programme or are reached through Zvandiri activities, they grow in confidence. They develop a new belief in themselves, that they are important, valued, loved and capable. Their perspective of their life changes and they move from being withdrawn, lonely, isolated young people to confident, determined, joyful individuals. What more could we hope for? This then has a knock on effect on how they access treatment and care. They adhere better to their drugs and are more involved in their own care. They are more purposeful about their lives, which helps them to be more positive about their own education. They develop peer structures and their life skills improve. One particular case to illustrate this is Rudo, who joined us as a 12 year old girl. She was an orphan and had just been told her HIV status. She was withdrawn and shy, saying little. Yet with close support and mentoring over the years, she has blossomed in to one of Africaid’s core team members, working as a Community Adolescent Treatment Supporter, facilitating her own support group, training government Doctors and nurses, and writing books and making films which have been seen globally. Last year she got married and last week she gave birth to her first child.    

Which success story are you most proud of?

Am I allowed two?

Sure!

The first would be the way individual children have grown in to confident, healthy, happy young people. Watching them grow and thrive through engaging in different programme activities is a real joy; particularly the children who joined us 8 years ago. They were extremely sick but with treatment from their clinic and getting involved at Africaid, they are now pursing their adult lives, including families of their own. We have always believed that HIV positive young people, with the right training and mentorship, can provide first class health and psychosocial support services for their peers and they are demonstrating this is possible. The second success is the way that one small support group that used to meet in my garden has grown and evolved over the years to become a model recognised by the World Health Organisation in its new guidelines for Adolescents living with HIV.

That’s awesome!

Central to this success has been the way Zvandiri is nested within the government structures. With the support from the Government of Zimbabwe, we have really been able to support the nation’s response to treatment, care, support and prevention for children and young people with HIV.   

What are the main challenges you face in attaining your objectives?

Our main challenge is the huge demand for services. We are approached regularly by community organisations and health facilities that like the model and would like it integrated within their own programmes but we do not have the resources to meet that demand. There are a great number of children out there who need this support and we need to find a way to continue to scale up the model across the country.

Is there anything that you feel if the rest of Zimbabwenas knew, it would make your job much easier?

Absolutely! They need to know how a child with HIV feels. If they knew that, they would think and behave differently towards children living with HIV. To find that out, they just need to take the time to ask! The way children feel is so often ignored because they are perceived as being too little, or we don’t know how to ask them, to listen or respond to them. We are so busy with our own lives. But ask them and listen. You will change their life very easily and very quickly.

How can the community and any other well-wisher best assist you with your work?

We are a reliant on donor funds so of course funding is always needed. But another extremely valuable contribution is skills. Young people in our programme are desperate to be engaged in any activity that exposes them to opportunities such as sports, arts, cultural activities, skills building, career guidance, business mentoring, etc. They all have talents and interests but these need nurturing. Yet all too often there is little opportunity for them to access that sort of support. There are a great number of people with skills they could share and this often costs nothing – just time and commitment. So skills sharing would be a tremendous contribution.

I’m already thinking of some people that could assist in some of the areas you have mentioned there. Last question: Are you fulfilled with your work?

How could I not be!? Every day, I am privileged to work with the most wonderful group of courageous, determined children and young people. They inspire me enormously to keep going in the work that we do and it is they who help us to understand what we need to do next. Both personally and professionally, I am growing all the time from my work with the children of Zvandiri. Of course, none of this would be possible without the incredible team I have the pleasure of working with, whom have managed to keep the heart and soul of Africaid, why it was established and the focus on our goal – the children. The team are not just Managers, Programme Officers, Nurses, counsellors or social workers but true mentors for the children in the programme, nurturing them as they grow and encounter new challenges in their lives.  

Visit Zvandiri on their website:

www.africaid-zvandiri.org

For further information, assistance, or involvement, email Nicola on Nicola@zvandiri.org

Download this interview on PDF