Case of the Ex

I've not known anyone or anything that has as much potential of ruining a marriage as the ex. Almost all women will agree that they have a passionate dislike for their husband's ex even if she is an angel. Nothing can ignite the competitive adrenaline and testosterone in men like the wife's ex. It's crazy, yet instructive.

God has given us emotions that help us relate with each other and at the same time help us understand the kind of relationship we have with him. In many instances in the old testament, God likened the worship of foreign gods to adultery. He defines himself as a jealous God. In the new testament comparing the law with grace, he says you can't mix the old with the new.

Allow me to use this allegory. I have found it a strange practice that is so common in the church today that in prayer, people seem to be conversing with God and the devil at the same time. I think the devil is like that ex that we found was wrong for us. He's that psychotic ex who tried to ruin us and we have carried baggage into our relationship with God. We have trust issues because of him, and if we're not deliberate and careful, we will ruin our current relationship because of him.

So imagine that you go on a date with your spouse. In your conversation, your speech is riddled with statements like, "Ex, I am no longer with you. You have no power over me. My heart is now sold out for my spouse. I command you to release my joy..." I believe the only one who's trying to get convinced here is you. If any of this were true, you would be captured by the presence of your spouse. You wouldn't care who's out there. You would be absorbed in the conversation you're having, not distracted by the ex.

Many believers today find "power" in cursing the devil. There's a time and place for that, but note that that's not prayer. Prayer is what you have with God. There's no room for the devil in that quality time. It's special. If you want to remove darkness, turn on the light. If you want your relationship with God to grow, focus on God. Whatever you focus on grows. If you focus on the devil and the demonic, that's all that will grow in your life.

So it follows that if you want your relationship with your spouse to grow, you need to forget about the past and build anew. Remember, the devil made off with only a third of the angels. He is outnumbered in numbers, in quality of character and in strength. So keep it in mind that though in time past he had you cornered, Jesus in his might came and loosed you from the devil's hold once and for all. Now keep your eyes on him, Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith.

Have a blessed week.

7 Ways To Improve Your Decision Quality

We are all products of the decisions we have made in our lives. Our choices create the paths of our life journeys, leading us to destinies that we are either proud of or appalled by. There are a multitude of other factors that affect who and what we become, but the quality of our decisions lays the foundation upon which we can construct our future. Here are 7 ways to ensure that you make quality decisions.

1. Check your emotional state

High emotions are inversely related to quality decision making. Logic is diametrically opposed to clear thought. When you are raging in any extreme emotion, that is not the right time to make decisions with long term effects. That of course makes it hard to decide when to make decisions like who to marry, because such decisions are to a large extent determined by how you feel. Nevertheless, even such decisions require a sobre mind and as much of an unbiased critical evaluation before announcing the decision.

Note: Never let the pressure of a glamorous proposal push you into making a decision that will change the rest of your life when you really aren't ready to take that step.

2. Engage forethought

The late great Steve Covey said it best when he said, "Begin with the end in mind." People who are clear about their desired outcome have less trouble making quality decisions, because they know exactly what is relevant for the future they are building, and what isn't. Forethought enables you to assess the impact of each alternative decision in the safety of your mind. You explore the "what if's" in the healthy and objective context of course.

3. Expand your horizon

The limits to anyone's imagination are imposed by the width of his horizons. These horizons are the product of exposure. Travel and reading are excellent ways to expose your mind to what is possible beyond your country or even local town. Biographies of great decision makers such as celebrated leaders can enrich your mind in so many ways.

4. Relax

Great decision making requires an active mind. In order to keep your mind active, you need to save up your decision energy for things that matter. Identify quickly things that you can't change and those you need to delegate to other people. It's not a great idea to make big decisions when you are tense or tired. It's much better to do that while on vacation or anywhere where you are relaxed.

5. Believe in yourself

Nothing is a decision crippler like lack of confidence in yourself. We have this internal validation mechanism that affects our decisions in order to prove our secret beliefs about what we can and can't do. Virgil said it best when he said, "They can because they think they can." It's those who think they are able to do certain things that actually succeed at it. Those believing otherwise will sabotage their own efforts and prove to themselves what they knew would happen, fail.

6. Define your vision

Your vision for your life is the compas that defines who you are and what you value. Without a clear vision, you will always be swayed because you have too many options. Vision puts your life into perspective. It defines your purpose. It clarfies your goals. It motivates you. Without a vision, nothing meaningful can be built.

7. Look to God

Prayer is indispensable. It allows God to speak peace into your storms. His word formulates the framework of your aspirations. His wisdom enables you to do far more than you can ever imagine. A relationship with Him gives you access into the benefits reserved for those engrafted into the true vine, Jesus.