Case of the Ex

I've not known anyone or anything that has as much potential of ruining a marriage as the ex. Almost all women will agree that they have a passionate dislike for their husband's ex even if she is an angel. Nothing can ignite the competitive adrenaline and testosterone in men like the wife's ex. It's crazy, yet instructive.

God has given us emotions that help us relate with each other and at the same time help us understand the kind of relationship we have with him. In many instances in the old testament, God likened the worship of foreign gods to adultery. He defines himself as a jealous God. In the new testament comparing the law with grace, he says you can't mix the old with the new.

Allow me to use this allegory. I have found it a strange practice that is so common in the church today that in prayer, people seem to be conversing with God and the devil at the same time. I think the devil is like that ex that we found was wrong for us. He's that psychotic ex who tried to ruin us and we have carried baggage into our relationship with God. We have trust issues because of him, and if we're not deliberate and careful, we will ruin our current relationship because of him.

So imagine that you go on a date with your spouse. In your conversation, your speech is riddled with statements like, "Ex, I am no longer with you. You have no power over me. My heart is now sold out for my spouse. I command you to release my joy..." I believe the only one who's trying to get convinced here is you. If any of this were true, you would be captured by the presence of your spouse. You wouldn't care who's out there. You would be absorbed in the conversation you're having, not distracted by the ex.

Many believers today find "power" in cursing the devil. There's a time and place for that, but note that that's not prayer. Prayer is what you have with God. There's no room for the devil in that quality time. It's special. If you want to remove darkness, turn on the light. If you want your relationship with God to grow, focus on God. Whatever you focus on grows. If you focus on the devil and the demonic, that's all that will grow in your life.

So it follows that if you want your relationship with your spouse to grow, you need to forget about the past and build anew. Remember, the devil made off with only a third of the angels. He is outnumbered in numbers, in quality of character and in strength. So keep it in mind that though in time past he had you cornered, Jesus in his might came and loosed you from the devil's hold once and for all. Now keep your eyes on him, Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith.

Have a blessed week.

6 Character Check Points

If I could sum up what the predictor of a person's true worth in life is, I would say it's their character. It is evidenced by one's actions, but it's not really the actions that matter. It's the reasons why one does the things they do. Here are a few character check thoughts to ponder.

1. Do you treat yourself as though you're more special than others?

[Pro 1:19] MKJV1962 - So [are] the ways of everyone who gains unjust gain; it takes away its owners' life.

I'm always amazed in the mornings by drivers who cut queues and inevitably cause congestion by simply being unruly, selfish and self serving. It's almost everywhere where there is a queue in Zimbabwe. Someone always feels they are more important than everybody else and should get served first. This demonstrated that person's character. They are flawed in that they see everyone else as insignificant. This can happen in many different variations, but the thinking is the same.

2. Do you treat others as guilty suspects until proven otherwise?

People who think everyone else is up to no good live a difficult life. They miss out on the good in other people because they are always looking for the loop hole. Even if you tell them they are looking good, their interpretation and focus is that you mean every other day they look filthy! They always find the negative interpretation to everything others do or say.

3. Do you judge others only by their actions and yourself only by your intentions?

[Pro 11:1] MKJV1962 - False balances [are] hateful to the LORD; but a just weight [is] His delight.

This is a typical pattern, and most are guilty of this. We treat others as though their intentions don't matter. As the phrase goes, "Good intentions never earn." Unless they are ours. We need to balance the scales and use the same standard we use for ourselves on others.
4. Do you treat people with more money than you differently from those with less?

[2Co 5:16] MKJV1962 - So as we now know no one according to flesh, but even if we have known Christ according to flesh, yet now we no longer know Him so.

People who have an unhealthy view of money have this trait. They equate the value of the human to his monetary net worth. They forget that all people have the same maker, and he (the maker) is delighted with all his creation. Respect of people should never be on the basis of their money. We respect all our elders as such, all our brothers and sisters as such.

[Pro 22:2] MKJV1962 - The rich and poor meet together; the LORD [is] the maker of them all.

5. Do you think you have the right to eat, drink or watch whatever you like?

We are in fact stewards of our bodies. In this dispensation, we have the duty to ensure that we don't kill off our bodies by consuming substances that we know will choke the life out of us. We have a mandate to impact other people's lives, to impart our experiences to the next generation, to mentor and groom our children into responsible God fearing citizens. What we allow through the eye gate changes who we are. It may not seem so, but if you watch your speech and thought patterns you will realise that what you watch and listen to has an effect on you.

[1Co 6:19-20/MKJV1962] - Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit in you, whom you have of God? And you are not your own, for you are bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.

6. Do you only pray when something is wrong?

This habit reduces God to an ATM machine that you only go to when you need something. God desires a relationship. If we find friends who only call when they need something unbearable, then it can't be right to have such a relationship with our Father.

7. Do you act like you know everything?

Know it alls equate themselves with the omniscient God. They think they can reason everything and cannot learn anything else from anyone. This is a serious delusion! Humble yourself. No one knows everything. You can learn a lot more from others.

In summary, the way to check you character is summed up in the words of Jesus, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself." - Mat 22:37-39.